Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ha. I had totally forgotten about this blog (if anyone is still reading).

Lots of other changes going on in my life. At a certain point I realized I was putting my own decisions on hold because I was worried what would happen to my parents. Those feelings are coming from a good place. Maybe. In some ways. But such a mindset is not too healthy in other ways.

They are adults, they can face things.

I'm not their parent. I need to make decisions* based on my own future.

And I realized I wasn't doing that. I was staying in a situation that was making me pretty unhappy at least in part because I was worried about finances and what would happen if my family needed the money and I was not able to help them out. That is just plain messed up. So I have decided to quit my job and go back to school and prepare for a total career change. I have money saved up. I will be able to take care of myself financially, pay my rent and my tuition, have some wiggle room in case something bad or unexpected happens.

It makes me feel excited, hopefully, eager about the future and about right now too. And I love feeling that way.  So, it has been a good choice so far, even though it is a little scary not to have an income.

And I think it will work out for them too. They have a "gentleman's agreement" on the house, they will sign the papers at the end of this month.

I will maybe talk about that more later and what my role will be in the process of them moving.



*To be fair, I think I put most of the pressure on myself, to be there for everyone, to help everyone out. I just want to fill the needs that exist for the people I care about. I don't even think people are demanding it of me, I think I am demanding it of myself. Everyone (at work, my family, my friends) has been surprisingly understanding when I have drawn boundaries for myself and said "no I need to do this, for me, instead"