Update

So, I was talking to my roommate the next morning after my previous post, and he said "basically you have to stand up for your mom," and as soon as he said it, I realized with that sinking feeling that it is the truth, because she's not going to stand up for herself in this situation.

Bubs and I met with her Saturday, and we sort of got her to admit that yes, this is what she would prefer (over trying to do essentially it on her own, and then resort to the dumpster scenario on whatever's left). Even though it is going to be a lot of work. Even though it is kind of scary. This way at least she will get to be a part of the process. This way at least most of the stuff will be going to good homes, at least as much as possible, which seems to make it easier for her to part with it.

Anyway, we just skyped (Bubs and I) about the conversation we're going to have with Dad tomorrow. That might be one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. It seems scary.

Basically we're going to tell him how much we care about both of them, but especially Mom in this very vulnerable transition for her, present to him all the research we've done on compulsive hoarding, how it seems to indicate that throwing the person's stuff away without their involvement is probably the worst thing you can do, etc etc. Explain that we're willing to pay for all of it, no strings attached, no need for reimbursement. Because we care. Because we want this to be the healthiest transition for Mom possible. Then we'll ask if we can have his support in the matter.

We hope and believe that he will agree. But if he doesn't we're going to say that it is their decision, and we'll continue to help out as much as we can, but, if it comes to the dumpster scenario, we are not taking any part in it. We do not want to put Mom through it and we're not going to participate.

So, a mini-ultimatum of sorts.  But hopefully it won't come to that.