Dream

I dreamed that I was getting rid of so much stuff.  It felt so good and powerful.  I didn't have to worry about anybody's feelings except my own.  It was my own stuff, although I somehow didn't remember ever acquiring it.

Okay, no more posts today...

Energy

So an important thing to remember is your own levels of energy.  What is giving you energy and what is taking away energy.  In a book I'm reading (which has a kind of embarrassing title), they suggest a kind of diagram that can help you to keep track of the demands and sources of energy in your life. The inner circle is of course you, the outer ones are the roles and responsibilities in your lifestyle.  Arrows pointing toward "me" are sources of energy, arrows pointing away from "me" are demands.

Here is mine.

It might be different at different times in your life. Obviously if I had a child or a boyfriend or spouse that would change it. Actually, even a few months ago the friends/roommates category probably would have been more of an energy demand for me, based on some unhealthy friendships or relationships in my life. It's easy to get sucked into whomever or whatever is demanding your attention the "loudest" but it is important that YOU control where your energy goes. 

I'm grateful for all the people who do sustain me. 

Sad Update

My mom's aunt died.  I didn't know her that well, so my sadness is mostly for my mother.  She was sweet and funny lady who lived in upstate NY with the rest of my mom's family.  First generation in America from eastern Europe.  I think she may have been the last living of that generation. One by one, my mom's father, mother, aunts, uncles, have been passing from this life.  It has been pretty rough on her these recent years. 

I haven't been pushing things with her the past week or so.

We are having a sort of birthday dinner for my dad after the funeral, even though his birthday isn't for another week-ish.  Odd timing, but they wanted to do it before Mimi left to go back to school and while Doc's girlfriend is still in town from Germany. 

I feel a bit like they are still denying reality in many ways.  But I can't force it really.  I've been sort of contemplating this almost zen (?) concept of investing your energies in an outcome while remaining detached from it emotionally. Or being detached from the outcome.  Something like that.

Clutter, Clots, Clogs

So in some of my research, I've been learning about the different kinds of messiness that can exist.

• Clutter is the messiness that is a part of daily living for a lot of people.  You use things, you put them away, sometimes there's a bit of a time gap in between.  However, the important feature distinguishing between clutter and clots/clogs is that the items in the clutter can be - and are - used.  Its location isn't permanent.  It can move and shift pretty easily.  We all experience clutter at different points in our lives.  
• Clots are small pockets of clutter which haven't been moved for a period of six months.  However, all the rooms in the residence are still functional; the clots don't interfere with sleeping for the bedroom, cooking and eating for the kitchen, using the toilet and bathing for the bathroom, etc.  Clots can include:
• Piles of mail
• Laundry 
• Unfinished projects
  
• Clogs are when clots join together and take over an entire room which can no longer function as its intended purpose but instead serves as a "dumping ground" or storage area for the clutter.

I just thought it was interesting. And that the distinction between whether the mess is permanent or not and the distinction between whether the room fulfills its function or not are both helpful ones.  Anyway, in other news, I heard back from Gail Steketee's colleague on contact info for some professionals who specialize in hoarding. She also recommended this book: 

which I have requested from the library.   

Sources:
    Compulsive Hoarding: http://www.compulsive-hoarding.org/Three-Cs.html 
    Compulsive Hoarding UK: http://www.compulsivehoarding.co.uk/articles/clutter-clots-clogs-relate-to-hoarding.php