Memories, Letting Things Go

I finally got rid of this little flower thing my ex had made for me. After our first "fight." The following morning, he showed up with the homemade flower from his 3D printer, a very sweet gesture, of course, but didn't change the fact that he hadn't lived up to what he'd told me on three different occasions that he would do. Eventually we dealt with that particular situation, but the pattern that had caused that first conflict was a thread carried through the whole relationship. Despite many good and fun and tender moments as well.

A few months after I broke up with him, he contacted me by email. We wrote about a few different things, growth, life changes, etc. until it got to the point where I realized he was trying to get back together. I concluded that I must make it clear that this would not be happening. I told him so, as gently as possible while still being absolutely clear in my intentions.

The letter he wrote back was written in a way that would make me feel awful. Sly, subtle attacks on my character, attributing motivations to me. It caused me real pain to read those words. He concluded with a request for me not to contact him. As I have only ever contacted him in response to his emails or texts, and as this is not the first time he has lashed out at me in a hurtful manner like this, I have absolutely no problem respecting that request.

It is sad to me that things had to conclude on such bitter terms, as I have some very fond memories of our time together as well, in addition to the negative.

I don't know, I guess I just kept the little flower around because in a way it reminded me of our good times, and of his sort of well-intentioned sweetness. But this most recent lashing out at me makes me realize that it is probably time to just LET. IT. GO.

A quote from Annie (yes I am her newest, most enthusiastic fangirl) that sort of helps to put things into perspective, although the link to the post appears to be broken:

It’s okay to break-up. It’s just fine to admit that in the end it’s you walking that path, just you. You can still relish in the company you had for a time by way of a relationship. Two paths joined and merged, and the proximity to another’s brought about illimitable lessons. And then the paths diverged again and both parties walked on their separate ways with, we hope, more wisdom and insight into themselves than they had before.

Anyhow, throughout it all, there will be some paths joined to yours perpetually. And those will be simply marvelous.

"Live Simply" Blog: Check it Out

Seems like the prevailing (instinctual?) way to approach organizing a cluttered or non-functional area is "how can I fit what I own into this space?" The tangible results of organizing with this type of mindset is often oppressive, counterproductive, and short-lived.

Key to a functional, long-term, simple/attractive organizational solution is actually evaluating what you own and comparing it to what you need or want to own. Making detached judgments about your possessions. In doing so, you come to see that, more often than not, the solution to a messy area is not "more storage" but "less stuff" (or at least a combination of "less stuff" and "more storage").

Anyway, on that note, I'd love to introduce a lovely, light-hearted blog with some very practical and beautiful tips and advice on organizing and storage and simplifying:

Live Simply By Annie

I came across it the other day looking for ideas for my future (hopefully!) new own apartment. Annie's mission is to help "people everywhere expel the extraneous and instill their lives with a sense of ease, laughter and light through introspection, clutter obliteration, organization, and a steadfast intolerance for complication."

What I appreciate about her advice and solutions is that she clearly understands the importance of the evaluative part of process. And you can see it at every level of the advice she gives from kitchen drawer to bedroom to daily routines.

Moving Forward (an update)

Hello blog! It has been so long.

Lots has been happening for me. I've been accepted to grad school (with scholarship WOOH), and I'll be moving across the country at the end of the summer.

Just like this:

No, but really, I'm so excited about the program and my future home/scenery next to very very beautiful mountains, but will miss all my loved ones here so much.

I've come to peace with a lot of the family stuff. I feel really happy about my relationship with my parents, like we are in a good place in relation to each other. I no longer feel so much pressure from myself to do/be everything for them. Ok that's a lie. I do feel a lot of pressure (loyalty?), and like I said, the decision to move to another state for three years was really difficult for me. But I do feel it will be good for me to make this leap and do something totally new and different.

Anyway, along those lines, I'm thinking it's time for me to get a place of my own (if I'm able to swing it financially - which seems possible in a city where property values are not quite so high as here). I'm at the point in my life where I feel I'm ready for going solo, living-wise.

• Socially I will be spending probably ten to twelve hours a day in classes, lab, clinicals, study groups, etc. so it will be really good for me to have a place all my own to unwind and relax on my own terms. Plus I just calculated, I've been living with roommates for TEN YEARS. Sheesh.
• Practically (or organizationally?) another self-reflection, realizing I have put so much work and effort and self-training into my home maintenance and organization skills over the past several years. I know now how to create a space that "works" for a particular purpose, how to effectively store items where I'd use them, how to evaluate what I need/want vs what I don't need/want (and to periodically go through my possessions and do so)... and I've gotten to the point where I actually take pride in keeping areas tidy and clean: doing dishes right after I use them, wiping down the counters before bed, having the bathroom sink empty of clutter, making my bed in the morning, and so forth. 

I really have come a long way, which is a source of pride for me. And I imagine that having an apartment of my very own, that sense of ownership of place will be a reward for all that I've become, but it will also present an exciting challenge for me. Will I be able to maintain these new habits with busy time constraints, with no pressure (even self-inflicted) of roommates "judging" me?

I hope so, I believe so!